mardi 16 novembre 2021

Despair and anger

If someone hurts your kid, you're tempted to hurt and maybe kill that person. Every parent feels like that.

When it's god that hurts your kid, you're tempted to kill god. However, god doesn't exist, so who can you kill? Life? Earth? Nature? 

Yesterday, I learned that my 5 years old daughter has some serious issues with both her optical nerves. An operation on these nerves is impossible from what I've seen on the Internet. Which means that my daughter may lose her sight.

I've spent a good part of the last night being in a deep state of despair and anger. I don't have any control on that situation.  I can't do anything about it. It's not a fucking exam for which study will allow me to get through. And that situation is hurting a poor little kid that already has other problems. 

If something so serious happens to my daughter, I think that I will change forever. I'll turn bad. I'll go crazy. I'll eat junk food and get drunk. I don't know, what will happen, but I'm sure that it will have a very bad impact on me. 

I hate life. How can I avenge my daughter? 

5 commentaires:

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  2. Wow I have a 5-year-old daughter as well - that sounds so scary!
    Maybe pay for consults with the best doctors in the U.S. and even Asia, and see what their opinion is on prognosis and surgery viability??

  3. The best advice is to pray and give it to God because He is good and in control. He wants to heal her. Please believe this.

  4. This is disappointing news for your daughter. She will need all the love and patience that you and your family can give. Don't give in to any rash emotions that come to you, she needs you.

  5. fuck that is terrible news. I can't even imagine your emotions. Just let it out and be with your daughter and figure things out one step at a time.