lundi 7 novembre 2022

How do you sleep?

I feel that I have to find a meaning about life. It's been a very tough year so far for me. Life hurting me not directly, but by the sides. 

I need to create a philosophy that will keep me sane and avoid me to fall into depression. I've never thought that much about suicide because I think that it arranges nothing and leaves a big black cloud behind and probably generates cancer to people exposed to it. Your death is not a tragedy for yourself but it is for people around you. Also, there's probably a couple nice chapters left in my book even if I sometimes feel that the story will only be darker and harder as time goes by. 

I've always been worried a bit about the future but now, I'm very worried and I feel alone. Part of that feeling comes from my disdain of most people and from the fact that there are some specific and rare people I would like to be surrounded by. Who are these people? I don't know because there's very little people that I've really liked in my life. I also miss very few people that I've lost touch with over the years. 

It's like dead-end. You are what you are and you can't be different than that. It satisfies you most of the time but makes you very unsatisfied once in a while. 

I wake up most nights at 2 or 3 AM and can't sleep. Is it my worries? Is it my age that comes with perturbations of sleeping? Is it the feeling that I'm in a big hole? I don't know. 

I have to do something. I don't know what. I can't save my kids from all their problems but I have to stay sane and think a little bit more about myself. 

The answer must come from myself. Nobody can help me because nobody knows how I feel and nobody could probably give me the advice I'm looking for. 

2 commentaires:

  1. You might want to try a Magnesium suppliment along with some B-complex vitamins...That has helped me with my sleep.

    We need to take better care of ourselves as we get older.

    I would recommend you read 'Your Faith is your Fortune' by Neville Goddard (you can read it for free on the net via a pdf sound like you are in a dark place but you don't have to be...

  2. There's no quick fix. We're humans living in an environment which we were never designed for. Happiness or whatever you call it has eluded me for most of my life. Most who claim to be happy are either lying to themselves or are unaware of how close they are to their life going to shits. Maybe there's nothing wrong with lying to ourselves. Gratitude helps. It's like stocks: $200 Meta doesn't seem so bad now. I think what we're all looking for is not happiness but peace.

    "The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood."